The Bridal Shower

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The bridal shower - or more generally wedding shower - is today a popular part of the pre-wedding celebrations. It provides an excellent excuse to buy gifts and get together for a good pre-wedding party! However the custom initially had a more serious if less politically correct purpose.

Origin

In less enlightened times women were sometimes considered a burden - after all, it was the men who owned property and made money. For this reason the custom of the dowry came into being.

The bride's father would provide a dowry for the couple to be wed. In effect the bride's father was paying the groom for taking his daughter. The dowry would then be used by the newlyweds to set up home.

Sometimes the bride's family were too poor to provide an adequate dowry. Occasionally the bride's father would disapprove of the marriage and refuse to give any dowry at all. This is believed to be the origin of the wedding shower: friends of the couple would make up for the lack of a dowry by all chipping in to provide gifts.

One famous tale says that the bridal shower originated in Holland. A young Dutch girl wanted to marry a penniless miller, however her father wanted her to marry a wealthy pig farmer. The girl insisted on marrying the miller and so the father refused her a dowry. The sympathetic villagers rallied round and collected up enough between them to allow the wedding to proceed.

Customs

The custom used to be that the bride would be - or pretend to be - surprised by the shower. That avoided the implication that she was in any way asking for help. Today a bridal shower is no longer considered an act of charity so the custom of a surprise party is less common. The modern bride is often involved in planning the shower party including advising on the guest list and giving ideas for a theme if one is desired.

If you're thinking of a themed shower party then the best place to look for an idea is the couple themselves - can the theme of the party be chosen to fit their personalities and interests?

The modern shower tends to be an informal occasion, although it might well take place at a venue such as a hotel. As well as the gifts, food and games are usually enjoyed. At the end of the event some brides like to hand out party favors to the guests.

The timing of the shower party is flexible. It should be near to the wedding but not so near that it gets in the way of other preparations. Three or four weeks before the wedding is a popular choice.

The shower used to be an exclusively a bridal preserve, but in these days of Male Lib more and more grooms are getting into the act :-) Additional showers for the groom or even joint showers for the couple are becoming increasingly common.

As with many things today, etiquette is more flexible than it used to be. The most important rule is that everyone should enjoy themselves.

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